Bacon Chocolate Chip Biscuits

Roo has a thing for Mo's Dark Chocolate Bacon Bar from Vosges. In fact he relishes his "chocolate bacon" so much that he received the Mini Bacon Chocolate Library for Christmas. By now we're all well-versed in the trend. Bacon and chocolate, chocolate and bacon. Old news, right?

But how about the crispest brown sugar-crusted bacon to ever grace your lips entwined with gooey, bittersweet chocolate wrapped in the warm buttery hug of a fluffy, buttermilk biscuit?

That's what I thought.

This all started because Deb over at Smitten Kitchen has this recipe in her killer new cookbook (which, in my house is already dog-eared and exploding with butter stains and a rainbow of post-it-notes) for Maple Bacon Biscuits. I like bacon. Bacon is my friend. There's a jar of bacon grease living on my kitchen window sill. It's kind of like a sun catcher but way more utilitarian. But maple syrup? Eh.

Born and raised in the Great Northeast it's a sacrilege to shun maple syrup, but I can't help it. It just doesn't do it for me, unless it's in a cocktail shaker with a few fingers of bourbon and lots of freshly squeezed lemon juice but that's a story for another day.

 Chocolate, though. Chocolate I can get behind in all its guises.

We're going to be candying some bacon in a minute here. It's crucial to point out that once you have completed this process you will never be the same. From this day forward you will in all likelihood require brown sugar-crusted bacon on peanut butter (or in our case, SunButter) toast. You will sprinkle it on frosted cupcakes. You will use it to garnish pasta, spinach salads, and in homemade granola. You might even find yourself tossing the last few crumbles into a French press along with the coffee grounds just to see. I thought I had better let you know.

Bacon Chocolate Chip Biscuits
Inspired by The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook
makes 12 2-inch biscuits

6 slices thick-cut bacon (about 6 ounces)
3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
3 cups all-purpose flour
4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
8 tbsp (1 stick) cold butter, diced
4 tbsp cold bacon fat (or 4 additional tbsp cold butter, diced)
1 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
1 scant cup buttermilk

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a baking sheet with foil (trust me here). Place a metal cross wire cooling rack on top of the foil lined baking sheet. Spread the brown sugar in a shallow dish and dredge the bacon slices from tip to tail on both sides, pressing the sugar to make it stick. Lay the coated bacon on the wire rack. Bake for 20-30 minutes until the bacon is very crisp and dark at the edges. Let the bacon cool slightly, use a spatula to release the strips from the wire rack, then cool completely. Chop into small pieces.

Turn the oven up to 425 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a Silpat mat. Whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl. Use a pastry cutter or two forks to cut in the cold butter and bacon fat until the largest clumps are the size of small peas. (If you don't happen to keep a jar of bacon fat on your window sill like me, all is not lost. You can safely substitute more butter for the bacon fat, though I suggest you consider reserving your bacon grease going forward. Try it on roasted Brussels sprouts instead of oil and top with what else? Candied bacon!)

Stir in the chopped bacon bits and chocolate chips. Add the buttermilk all at once and stir gently until just combined. Dump the dough onto a well floured surface and knead it a couple of times until it holds together. The less you handle it the better. Gently press the dough to a 1-inch thickness. Use a 2-inch biscuit cutter or inverted drinking glass to cut out 12 biscuits. Place the biscuits on the parchment lined baking sheet and bake for 12-15 minutes until the tops are light golden brown.

20 High Calorie Nut-Free Snacks for Weight Gain

As a parent in America I'm supposed to be focused on cutting fat, limiting sugar, and getting our portion sizes down to a human-like level. And I am. Sometimes.

But every January the bombardment ensues. Emails with subject lines like 20 Low-Calorie Snacks and Cut Calories with 7 Simple Strategies start flooding my inbox. Magazines promise to Keep the Flavor, Lose the Fat! And that's great for many of us, myself included. But what about the failure to thrive kids like Roo who struggle to grow? What about the not so rare adult who fights to gain or maintain weight. They're out there too, you know. 

I've been fascinated (and somewhat appalled) by the way we respond to a-typical bodies of all types. Sure it's unfair that heavy people are discriminated against, belittled, and worse, but it's time to give the skinny minis a break too.

I've been told on more than one occasion that Roo (all 29 pounds of him) will come to appreciate his lightning speed metabolism one day. Really? I hope he likes his car seat because at this rate he's taking it to prom. My willowy girlfriend gets asked repeatedly why she bothers running when she's already so thin. Skinny actresses get accused of being anorexic, and I'm not saying this is never the case, but no one looks at a chubby star and comments, "Oh gross, she looks totally hypothyroid!" because that would be completely inappropriate and mean spirited, right?

Why is it acceptable in our culture to obsess over a few extra pounds then turn around and dismiss the health and body image concerns of underweight individuals? We're all after the same goal here, right? Healthy, strong, well-nourished bodies. Think about it the next time you want to punch your girlfriend in the face because her size 00 jeans are gaping at the waist. She's no less entitled to a healthy body image than the rest of us.

So, in honor of Roo and underweight kids and adults all over this great country of ours, a few suggestions for (mostly) nutritious, lower sugar, high calorie snacks that just happen to be free of nuts, because that's how we roll.

#10 Whole Wheat Blackberry and Meyer Lemon Ricotta Scones

#19 Zucchini Cake with Lemon Cream Cheese Icing

 20 High Calorie Nut-Free Snacks

1. Brie cheese on a baguette with strawberry jam (also known as my favorite late night snack, but this isn't really about me)
2. Full-fat yogurt fruit smoothie (Blend 1&1/2 cups frozen fruit of your choice and 8 ounces full fat yogurt until smooth. Add half an avocado, 1/4 cup heavy cream, and ice cubes for an extra amped up version)
3. Parmesan chunks and black olives (AKA The Roo Special)
4. Graham crackers spread with SunButter, decorated with raisins or dried cherries
5. Banana Bread spread with cream cheese
6. Pumpkin or Winter Squash muffins
7. Croissants (Costco near us makes them without egg, but read your labels!) Cut it open, toast it and butter the cut sides ala Mufasa for more calories.
8. Cheese quesadillas with guacamole
9. Nut-free Granola with whole milk or half and half
10. Whole Wheat Blackberry and Meyer Lemon Ricotta Scones
11. Parmesan and Thyme "Cookies"
12. Real whipped heavy cream with fresh berries and granola (Bean's dream)
13. Mediterranean plate: cubed feta cheese, hummus, buttered pita triangles, cucumber, olives, grape tomatoes
14. Cheesy nachos with bean dip and sliced avocado
15. Cheddar cheese chunks with sliced apple, pear, or nectarine
16. Sweet potato fries dipped in easy garlic aoli (we use Veganaise in place of mayo due to the egg allergy)
17. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches with Roasted Tomato Dip
18. Buttermilk biscuits with Garlic Chive Butter
19. Zucchini Cake with optional Lemon Cream Cheese Icing
20. Roasted Pepita Honey Butter and Sliced Banana Sandwich

#18 Buttermilk Biscuits with Garlic Chive Butter

#11 Parmesan and Thyme "Cookies"

Buttermilk Biscuits with Garlic Chive Butter

Earlier this week we made our own butter and buttermilk. Then we put them to work in Buttermilk Biscuits with Garlic Chive Butter.

Buttermilk Biscuits
Adapted slightly from Alton Brown

2 cups flour
4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. salt
4 tbsp. butter
1 cup buttermilk, chilled

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees
2. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl. Cut in the butter using a pastry cutter or two forks until the dough resembles course crumbs. Make a well in the center, pour in buttermilk. Mix only until the dough comes together. No more than absolutely necessary.
3. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface. Knead 5-6 times and press to a 1-inch thickness. Cut out biscuits with a 2-inch round cutter (the rim of a glass will also work in a pinch). Place biscuits on a baking sheet so their edges just touch. Reform dough and repeat.
4. Bake until fluffy and light golden brown, about 15-20 minutes. Serve warm with more butter, jam, or garlic chive butter.

Garlic Chive Butter

1/4 cup unsalted butter (homemade if possible)
1 small clove garlic, finely minced
2 tbsp. chives, finely chopped
pinch salt

Bring butter to room temperature. Mix in garlic, chives, and salt. Let stand for several minutes to blend flavors. Spread on warm buttermilk biscuits.