Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Roo's on strike, and since he's a one man union, I don't know who to contact regarding negotiations because he's not talking.  Bored and irritated with my my cheek prodding, chew tube thrusting, and constant encouragement to "move it to the side", he is refusing to participate in mom-imposed speech therapy sessions.

We're at an impasse marked by lengthy standoffs where he holds lumps of soggy chicken or rice in his mouth while ever enthusiastically, I prompt him to move it to the side, and chew chew chew a hundred times or so.  When that doesn't work, we pull out the mirror and I show him how disgusting it looks oozing out of his mouth - okay, I don't tell him he's disgusting, but it doesn't mean I don't think it.  The mirror's supposed to help him see where he's moving the food.  He prefers smearing food on the mirror to see how that looks.

I am a broken record.  Move it to the side, Roo.  Use your tongue.  Use your tongue to move it to the side like this.  OK, good try, now use your teeth.  Chew it here on your back teeth.  Feel it there by your cheeks?  I see the food in the middle of your mouth.  Can you move it to the side?  Now chew like a lion!  Like this, see?  Swallow your bite.  Did you swallow it?  You did?  Vigorous applause, stickers, and a three ring circus ensue when a bite is eventually swallowed.  The poor kid.  Even I am annoyed with me. 

Is he going to outgrow this oral delay?  I mean, aside from the food allergies, EoE, oral delay, and failure to thrive, he is, ahem, healthy.  His gross motor skills are on track - if not outright advanced.  Can most 2.5-year-olds do the monkey bars without assistance?  Maybe if they weighed 22 pounds they could.  His kids' gym class teacher recently recommended a "real" gymnastics gym for him after witnessing his superior balance, strength for size, and fearlessness.  Of course she probably thinks he's one.  He talks like a champ...for example, "Actually Bean, we watched Yo Gabba Gabba earlier.  How about we watch Ralph? It's your favorite!"  or "That was a little bit whiny, Bean.  I don't like that.  Say it again in your regular voice".  Aside from the obvious exploitation of Bean for his own benefit, these are adequate sentences for toddler boy, no?  He walks, he runs, he jumps, he sings, he dances, does somersaults, and flips, he builds Lego towers, pees in the toilet, and has mastered my iPhone.  The kid is like a tiny ninja, so why the heck can't he chew a bite of pasta?

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